Loss

Losing someone is so hard. No matter how much you knew them or they meant to you. I lost a beloved uncle last night. It was a roller coaster of emotion for my family. Before we got to the hospital, his heart stopped and his kidneys were failing.. They were able to bring him back. And I was at the hospital all day with my family. About 8 at night.. Code blue sounded through the halls and my aunt went into a hysterical mode. I sat with her while she cried. The doctor came in and said they brought him back but they wanted to take him off of life support.. Her and my cousin wanted to wait for her other son who left before anything ever balls med to go get his kids from his ex wife.. He was the closest to his father.. About 20 minutes.. Another code blue went off.. And they called him.. I called my family down in Kentucky and cried so hard to them, strangers were giving me hugs in the hallway.. Then all my family's prayers were answered for a bit.. A miracle the doctors have never seen happened. My uncle brought himself baxk.. But he was still unresponsive. It was another hour we had hope.. Until the last code blue went off.. We knew that it was the end.. My aunt and cousin told the doctors no more.. My heart is so heavy with grief.. I've lost close people before.. But not like this.. I was never there.

School

Isn't school stressful? I got through high school and now I'm in college. It is my second year, although I went to a community college my junior and senior year of high school. That was hard because my high school did nothing to prepare you for college. It was really good though because it helped me figure stuff out, and I didn't even have to pay for it. xD Actual college though. It was nerve wracking my first year. Move in was chaos to all us freshman who had no idea what was going on. It was fun and a great experience though. I learned a lot last year that will carry on with me. Sounds cheesy I know, but it is true. This past semester has been really rough though. I have been getting really sick and I was in the hospital five times in four months. A lot of it was due to roommate stress. My school is really popular right now and there is this huge wait-list for  any type of housing. My parents would not let me stay at school with her, afraid of my disease worsening. So I came home. I will be taking my firefighting class to become an "official" member at my fire department (I have been on the department for four years now). I will also be taking classes at the community college that will transfer down. I want it to be the fall semester so I can go back, it was hard to leave my friends. I am excited for my new apartment down there, and for my brother who will be joining me down at school.

Guys

I know not all guys are the same but in my school, they are. They are all jerks. My friends that are guys arent though, but they go to a different school now. One day, I was judging our school's dodge ball tournament. I called this one guy out and he kept saying, "Out!?!" I thought he was joking but then he started to swear big time at me. It really hurt me and I left to go talk to my cousin who was supposed to be at my school. He left without saying goodbye though. Then all the other guys started to yell at me. Its bad enough that my friends dont go to my school anymore because they go someplace else, but now all the guys turn on me? What did I do to them to make me deserve this. Then all they do is update their status' saying, "Playing uno tonight." Which is a drinking game, stupid jerks

Crushes

Have you ever liked someone? A lot of people have liked at least one person in their life. See I have this problem. I like this boy who I grew up with. Every time I don't see him I convince myself that I don't like him but when I do see him again, its the same feelings. I have liked him for about eleven years now. I know, ridiculous right? Now that we are older, I barely see or talk to him. I try and see him, but when I do I get really embarrassed. I know I should put an effort into talking to him, but its just so hard. I have had my fair of crushes but no boyfriends. I did ask someone out when I was little but my best friend asked him just that morning so he rejected me. I think that ever since then I’m really secretive about this subject matter.

This is how I feel, and roughly around the time I actually started to like him ;)

What I'm going to talk about

Ok, so I'm new to this whole blog thing. I am probably just going to blog about my life, i dont know bout that, and about stress. Everyone has it and there are different ways to work through it. I will probably talk about sports, music, books. Anything I feel like. So the link to get to this blog is dreamer-strees thats because, one thing. I had no clue what i was putting >.< and two, I have alot of stuff that I do and I will relieve some of my stress on here :D